When I first discovered “Adbusters” – a non-profit vancouver based magazine determined to wake its readers out of the consumeristic comas that we are in, I thought it was the most damn enlightening thing ever. Quarters after quarters of reading, I got more and more angry about everything that is wrong around the world… Anger soon turns into bitterness and distaste and then self-loathing. I purchased the new issue of Adbusters from Indigo – where 5 minutes later, I am sitting at Starbucks with my no-foam extra shot half-sweet mocha reading about debranding Starbucks to attract “indie’ customers. oh i r o n y….

After I finished my overpriced coffee, I hop in my car, plug in my ipod – crank it and drive a short distance back home. So what If I get angry at the sight of (Red) products at Starbucks and scold at its ridiculous scam? Who the fuck cares how disgusted I felt? Not me, nope. Cause I still go in to Starbucks and get my usual latte almost every day. I still let what I own – own me (being in credit card debt, buying shit I dont need). I told people I got that color ipod because it “suits my personality”

I got so sick of feeling guilty and bitter, I stopped buying Adbusters religiously. I only get it every now and then to remind myself what a hypocrite I am and how I am in a never-ending vicious cycle of contradiction.

So the other day, Josh and I got out of bed early to go get breakfast at Nellie’s before we had to go to work. Maybe its the nostalgia of a small breakfast diner or maybe its just simply life’s little blessings… A sudden wave of butterflies and bliss rushed over me when he was yapping away about something goofy he use to do a few years ago. That moment made me realized how amazingly in love I still am after two years of living with each other. I don’t think I can ever get sick of him.

Between tweeting, facebooking, and blogging, I do not have enough time to fit you into my schedule for a face-to-face conversation time, sorry. If I have not tweet for longer than 3 hours, I probably died. If you cant reach me on my blackberry, I probably died too.

Much Much MUCH anticipated new Matt Good album, here is my fave song from the album!

Things in my head at the moment:

I don’t like October, in fact, It became my most-hated month of the year.

The future scares me.

I love the new LIGHTS album: The Listening.

So I had my first ten shifts working on a neuroscience patient care unit.  The type of patients on the unit is a new unique challenge for me as per my limited experience in caring for neuro-patients.  Many of the patients have dementia etc.  Let’s just say its a bit of a “crazy wandering old people unit”.  And I love it.  There is nothing like being held captive by an agitated patient that kept saying “You people just want to bamboozle me”.  The most challenging part is keeping tabs on where my patients are.  The other day, I stepped out of the room for 2 minutes and my patient who decided to have a heart attack on my shift bolted for the nursing station and projectile vomited next to the printer.  Two days later, that same patient improved remarkably enough to chit-chat and inquire about my love life.  Sometimes I wonder about the quality of life that these patients are going to have after a severe heart attack or stroke along with progressive Alzheimer’s and dementia etc.  And then little things happen.  Little moments that triggers indescribable emotions that emit incredible warmth…  An elderly patient with Down syndrome and progressive dementia on a good day screams intermittently at least 3 or 4 times a day at length intervals until Haldol is administered.  One afternoon, after spending 10 minutes in the room with her talking to her and playing with her teddy like a toddler, she actually bursted out laughing and giggling as she busted a few dance moves to the 80′s tunes on the radio in her bed.  No one has ever seen her giggle like that in the 3 months she has been on the unit.  It was magical.  This wonderful woman was a very high functioning person with Down syndrome, she had travelled lots and participated in the special olympics.  And then I realized that it is not about what the quality of life she is to have in the future.  What was important is the life she lived before her losing her independence – she made the best of it.  As for the rest of her life, I think those brief and rare moments of happiness will suffice.